Quarantine Contemplations
I’m an introvert. To be fair, I’m an outgoing introvert. I know how to take over a room, stand out in a crowd and lead in a situation as needed. I enjoy spending time after yoga class chatting with my students about life or their practice, have fun at dinner parties where I can interact with others I am familiar with around me, and I will always be pulled into a conversation about Vedic history, growing delicious carrots or argue the best mountain bike trails around. What makes me an introvert is that I recharge when I’m alone. I need space in order to have enough energy to bring my best to every day. I need quiet, limited stimuli, and usually a furry critter, a dark room or wide open space with not another human in sight.
I’m often mistaken for an extrovert because I am loud, boisterous and outgoing. I come from a family of in-your-face extroverts and as much as I love them, I’m always exhausted after family gatherings.
I’ve been on lockdown for over a month now - enough to have lost track of time as I live in Groundhog Day like the rest of you. I ebb and flow in activity, stillness, laziness, productivity, fitness and overindulgence. But this time has been a fascinating one for me to step deeper into my own personal practice of growth and reflection.
I’ve watched dear friends, students, family and acquaintances struggle with this uncertain time. And I’ll admit, when it comes to uncertainty, I’m usually the first to lose it and need a direct response with timelines, deadlines and expected outcomes. But this time it’s different. Instead of going down the spiral of despair, walking towards fear of the unknown, or fighting the demons of uncertainty, I’ve been able to maintain a fairly even temperament. Actually, it’s probably the most even I’ve been in my life.
I'm an emotional being. An empath who acts and responds to the energies and experiences all around me. Which is, one would assume, why I need so much alone time for recharging myself. But when I’m mad you will know it. When I’m hurt, excited, doubtful, joyous, overwhelmed or heart-broken, you will know. I will make it abundantly clear as I wear my heart on my sleeve and have a tattoo there to prove it.
But I gotta say…
This social distancing thing is actually me living my best life!
The other day I was on a Zoom call with my Abundance group and each of us was talking about our contentment with our life and dreams for the future. I didn’t realize how content I was until the words came out of my mouth. I heard myself saying, “I’m pretty happy with how things are and I’m feeling really abundant in life.” After I said it, I had to pause and reflect. Was I really happy? Did things feel settled and comfortable in the best way? Was I really being truthful? I was so surprised because I WAS being truthful and I AM happy. It was a strange feeling for someone who is constantly planning for the abundance the future, planning what I want, where I’m going to go and how life will look like when this other thing happens and I can finally relax more/travel more/make more money/have more time/more, more more! This quarantine caused me to pause, caused us all to pause in this moment together.
Everyday is exactly what I want to do and I feel a little guilty that so many people are struggling with loneliness, isolation, economic woes and everything that has come with this quarantine, while I’m over here smiling. With my own space. No plans to get out of. No people to let down. I LOVE my alone time and it’s great not having to make up excuses for why I can’t meet up for social gatherings.
I am fortunate to live in my Barbie dream home, also known as my creepy folk Victorian fixer-upper edition, be surrounded by piggies, pups & ponies, still able to work and connect with students and clients online and even improve and perfect my own business and the clients I serve I’ve had to cancel some retreats and that wasn’t fun, but the one I’m still planning is feeling perfect. My mind is clear, I’m exercising, diving deeper in my practice and eating nutritious food I prepare because I have time to spend in my kitchen. I’m working on house projects, sewing projects and craft projects at home while listening to podcasts and audio books to entertain me. I’ve been able to truly connect with my teenager daily with lots of laughs and deep shares. I’ve caught up on SVU and even watched a movie or two, finished a couple of books and am finally ready to tackle my garden and aquaponics setup. I’m more relaxed and comfortable in my life than I’ve been in years!
This last year in my 30s is kicking ass and I’m so looking forward to everyone being able to pause, reset and go for their dreams. I know others are struggling but I’m here for you if you need it. Happy to share my LEAP Method. program for success, offer up free reiki sessions, listen to you vent about your day or struggles, be your cheerleader from afar, whatever you need. My morning meditations keep reminding me, we’re all in this together. Even though we are far apart.
So today’s quarantine meditation for you to really sit with is this: